In an effort to get to know more about you, we commissioned a dedicated demographics analysis report in order to find out what kind of person follows me. While the document itself is far too expansive to print in its entirety, it has thrown up some invaluable information about the average @AlsBoy follower.*
Non-follower 2-bedroomed semi-detached house.
Follower Unspecified secure facility with lots of room to run and run and run.
Non-follower Master’s degree.
Follower No, owing to unfortunate ‘incident’ with PE teacher at school disco.
Follower Single but has a thing about your wife.
Follower None, but does enjoy spending the day at the Early Learning Centre.
Non-follower Listening to music, watching movies, socializing with friends.
Follower Downloading music illegally, uploading pirated movies to Torrent sites, telling Facebook friends about music they’ve downloaded illegally and pirated movies they’ve uploaded to Torrent sites.
Non-follower Broadcasting and mobile communication.
Follower Plans to make a packet scalping tickets for that Stone Roses gig.
Non-follower Great career, personal happiness and financial security.
Follower Numerous swimming certificates, was invited to participate in an online Nigerian money-laundering scam.
LAST MAJOR PURCHASE:
Non-follower A two-week holiday in Cyprus.
Follower Something easily wipeable.
Non-follower Audi TT.
Follower Audi TT (stolen, awaiting number plate replacement)
Non-follower Last voted Labour.
Follower Last voted for someone to do a Bush Tucker Trial.
TELEVISION VIEWING HABITS:
Non-follower Hates X Factor.
Follower Hates X Factor but tweets about it and during it relentlessly.
ATTITUDE TOWARDS SEX AND VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION:
Non-follower Disgusted by it and is actively involved in several campaigns to stamp it out.
Follower Sky +s it.
* The above is a joke and is in no way meant to be an accurate representation of any of my followers. * straight face *